Do the attachment styles of childhood follow you into adult love?

Partly, but less neatly than the labels suggest. Attachment theory proposes that the way adults approach emotional bonds comes from the bonding they experienced as infants with their caregivers. Adults are sorted into four styles: secure, anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant and fearful-avoidant. But long studies that follow babies into adulthood find that early security predicts much less than that story implies, and many adults change style along the way.

The idea started with a hunch. Psychologists Cindy Hazan and Phillip Shaver studied adult relationships and noticed that adults interact with each other much as children interact with caregivers. Adults feel comforted when their attachment figures are present and more anxious, or lonely, when they are absent. A partner, it seems, can play the part the caregiver once did.

The four styles describe two things: how you see yourself and how you see others. Secure people tend to have a positive view of both. Anxious-preoccupied people view themselves negatively, feel unsure about trusting others, and seek closeness while fearing they are not wanted. Dismissive-avoidant people tend to see themselves positively and others negatively, and avoid closeness. Fearful-avoidant people see both negatively and want closeness while being scared of it.

Now the evidence. In a Minnesota study that followed children for years, once family background was taken into account, security in infancy accounted for only 5% of the variability in social competence at nineteen. Around 70 to 80 percent of adults show no significant change in style over time, but 20 to 30 percent do, sometimes within weeks or months. So early attachment may shape adult love, but it does not seal it.